Category: Life

From the first grade to my latest years in high school I can definitely say I was one of the best students in my class. I truly worked hard for that, but I just did it, because I genuinely liked studying and in general, I always thought that education was my only chance to have access to all the things I dreamed about growing up. And by that, I don’t mean expensive items or experiences, but just things I missed out growing up because my parents couldn’t afford to provide for me and my brother. ( If you want to read more about this, you can read my post Don’t wish to be rich. ) So, I worked hard and always got the first or second-best grades in my class. In the beginning, I didn’t really feel any pressure regarding this matter. I just did what I had to do. Maybe in part, that’s also because I tend to be a very compliant and quiet person. I don’t really like to be against the system, so to say. But that’s another story.

With time I started to slowly realize some kind of pressure. From my father, the teachers, my colleagues and most important of all from me. Once I had the reputation of the “smart one” everybody was expecting me to do well on everything. If I got a relatively bad grade, something was wrong. If one of the other students got a bad grade, it was nothing.

I managed to work my way past this fairly easily. That until 6 years ago when I moved to Bucharest to go to college. And I had a total shock. Between all the big changes in my life, like leaving home for the first time, living in a college dorm with 3 new girls, taking care of myself and all that, something else radically changed then. I was not the “smart one” anymore. Actually, in the beginning, I was really bad at school. It sure was related to all the changes passing on in my life, but there something else there too. I just wasn’t the smartest one, I just couldn’t surpass one of my colleagues. No matter how hard I tried, some of them were better than me at school. That realization really shuttered my life at the time. I felt so bad, I couldn’t understand what’s happening and blamed myself for not being good enough.

You are YOU.

Stop comparing yourself to others. Work on becoming the best version of you.

I would like to become a model. But what if my beauty will be gone before I manage to become a renowned model?

I always wanted to teach. It was my childhood dream, to be surrounded by children and be able to leave my mark on the world. I started thinking seriously about this when I entered college, but one day, it hit me. All good, but what if I will earn so little money, that I would never be able to have a house, that I would never be independent, that I could never afford to have my own child.

My biggest dream is to become an astronaut, to explore the space and be known as the first man traveling to another solar system, heck… I wouldn’t mind going to another galaxy too, finding extraterrestrial life. It would be so cool… But wait a moment, what if when I’ll be ready to do it, we’ll not yet have the technology to leave our galaxy, or even worst, what if I will not be able to pass all the physical, psychological and knowledge tests to even become an astronaut. What will happen to me, after I’ve spent all that time, money and energy in planning and studying to become an astronaut?

Then I gave up…

I think many people can relate to one of those scenarios at some point in their life. That moment, when you realize, by yourself, or “with help” from somebody else, that you have to make a decision. A decision for your future.

That’s when the fear is coming into your life. The fear of failure, the fear of not making enough money, the fear of not reaching your full potential. But you can’t get away this fear, at least not so easily. No matter what you do, there will always be an what if. No matter what you choose, no matter how good that idea might be, no matter who is telling you what to do, what if will always be there to “haunt you”. If you let it haunt you, of course.

And don’t get fooled, this can also happen if you decide to not follow your heart.

For example, let’s say you are passionate about arts, and all you ever dreamed of is becoming a writer or a painter but you let yourself down by the fear. You realize that there is a good chance you don’t become famous, don’t make enough money, and end up ruining your life. So, you decide to do something well paid, for a better, safer future, a developer for example.  But what if, at some point, you will be intellectually exceeded, or lose your sight or something else bad happens. There are so many cases, possibilities.

You can do bad in every way. But, the most important thing, you can also do better in every way.

You just need to choose something that fills your heart with happiness or at least fills one tiny part of it.  Don’t get me wrong, money is important, you need them to survive, to have a decent life, but you also need to make sure you have the time to spend it, what to do with them and someone to whom you’ll spend your joys and sadness at the end of the day.

Make a decision that will make you happy now.